Regret
by islashlove
Summary: All Lassiter would like to hear Spencer say is that he loves him, but after a shooting, Lassiter will never get to hear it. This is a slash story and a main character's death story.


**Disclaimer:**** I do not own anything that is from Psych. **

**Warning:**** This is a slash and main character death story. If you don't like these types of stories, please don't read. This is also a main character's death story.**

**Beta:**** Yes, I would like to say thank you to my Beta jerseybelle**

**Author's Notes:**** This story jumped into my head as I listened to the Rascal Flatts song 'What Hurts the Most'. **

**Story Notes:**** All Lassiter would like to hear Spencer say is that he loves him, but after a shooting, Lassiter will never get to hear it.**

**Regret:**** By islashlove**

Detective Carlton Lassiter walked out of the Santa Barbara Police Station followed closely by the one and only Shawn Spencer. For some reason, Lassiter suddenly stopped which in turn caused Shawn to run straight into his back.

Lassiter spun around so quickly that anyone would think that Lassiter was about to kill, or at least yell at him, but instead he starts to talk in a very low voice.

"Spencer...will I be seeing you tonight?"

A smile crept onto Shawn's face. "Of course you will, my Lassie dear."

"Good and..." Lassiter quickly looked around making sure no one was watching them, "I love you."

Lassiter watched as Shawn's smiling eyes changed to a sad look, which was covered with a shadow of guilt. He knew that Shawn loved him, but he just wished that Shawn would actually say it once in a while.

Lassiter and Shawn had talked about it a few times in the past and then one day, Shawn had broken down and explained that he did care for Lassie, but since no one but Lassie had ever said it to him, Shawn just couldn't say it back.

"It's ok, Shawn, I understand and I'm sure that one day you will be able to say it to me."

"I hope so, Lassie, I sure hope so. So, I will meet you at your place at eight?"

"I will have dinner ready and waiting by the time you get there."

With that Lassiter turned around and started to head back down the stairs. Just as he reached the bottom, a car screeched to a stop in front of him and a man pulled out a gun and pointed it toward the top of the stairs and Shawn.

Lassiter heard the gun fire once and as he turned around, he saw Shawn clutching his chest. The second shot fired as he called out Shawn's name and as he heard the car drive off, Lassiter watched as Shawn fell to his knees. Lassiter tried his best to get up the stairs to Shawn, but he tripped and came crashing down instead, hitting his head hard. As everything went black, he could hear Shawn calling out his name.

It had been three months since that fateful day when 'he' had died and since that day, he hadn't been back to the station. He just can't bring himself to walk up those stairs and pass that spot where 'he' had been shot, where he had died.

He had wanted to resign there and then, but the Chief wouldn't let him. She had talked him into taking some time off, but all he wanted to do was to lie down and die. The person he had cared for the most in his life was gone...taken from him before his eyes and so was his will to lie or to do his job. So today he will walk up those stairs…past that spot and hand the Chief his resignation letter and then he will leave Santa Barbara forever.

The taxi pulled up outside the station. He took a deep breath and then climbed out and started to walk towards the stairs. As he climbed the stairs, he tried not to look at 'that spot'. His hands start to shake and he could feel the sweat pooling on his face. But he is determined to do this…he needed to do this.

Finally, he was through the door and entered the familiar station. As he walked into the bull pen he could feel the eyes on him and hear the whispers as he passed. He ignored them all as he walked straight to the Chief's door.

Knocking, he waits for her to tell him that he can enter and when he does, he could see it in her eyes that she is surprised to see him. There is even a glimmer of hope that he was ready to return to work. As he passed Chief Vick his registration letter, he watched as her face changed to a saddened expression.

"Are you sure you want to do this?"

"Yes."

"Very well then, I will accept your resignation, but please remember this…if you ever decide to return, your job will be waiting for you."

"I doubt I will ever return, but thank you, Chief. I have enjoyed working with you and I'm sorry it has ended this way but without..." he pauses, not ready to say the name, "I just can't stay."

"Are you going to say goodbye to Henry, Guster or O'Hara?"

"No, I...I can't. I'm just leaving. Trust me, it will be for the best. Goodbye, Chief Vick."

"Goodbye and please…take care."

"I will."

They shook hands and then he headed out to the car park to get his vehicle. It had been there since that day. He loaded up his stuff and with one more look at the station a feeling of sadness overcame him, but he shook his head and drove away. Away from the hurt and pain, but he knew that the memories would always be with him.

He had one more stop before he left Santa Barbara…forever. It was the cemetery and 'his' grave. It was the first time he had been here. He hadn't gone to the funeral. He just couldn't. If he did it would make it final, that 'he' was really gone, that 'he' was really dead.

Kneeling down on the grass beside the headstone, he slowly traced over the name that was carved into the cold stone.

"Well, I'm leaving, but I needed to come here and say goodbye to you first. I'm sorry I couldn't save you. God I wish I could have, but I just couldn't move fast enough. In all the time we were together; I only have one regret; one thing that I wish I had done while you were still here with me...while you were still…alive."

Standing up he brushed away the little bit of grass from his legs before continuing.

"I love you too…Lassie. I just wish you were here to hear it."

And with that, Shawn Spencer walked over to his bike, climbed on and rode into the sunset. He didn't know where he is going. He just knew what he is leaving behind.

**THE END**

**Thank you for reading and for reviewing my story.**


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